Pathforwardinpeace

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    • Surviving divorce
  • Abuse: what is it?
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  • More
    • Home
    • Navigation Strategy
    • When is Divorce Biblical
    • Blog and Verses Gallery
    • Resources
      • Coping Resources
      • Financial resources
      • Phone Controls
      • Resources for Friends
      • Helping Children
      • Safety Plan
      • Sexual abuse
      • Why it’s hard to leave
      • Resource for Abusive men
      • Surviving divorce
    • Abuse: what is it?
    • Building your Faith

Pathforwardinpeace

PathforwardinpeacePathforwardinpeacePathforwardinpeace
  • Home
  • Navigation Strategy
  • When is Divorce Biblical
  • Blog and Verses Gallery
  • Resources
    • Coping Resources
    • Financial resources
    • Phone Controls
    • Resources for Friends
    • Helping Children
    • Safety Plan
    • Sexual abuse
    • Why it’s hard to leave
    • Resource for Abusive men
    • Surviving divorce
  • Abuse: what is it?
  • Building your Faith
When is divorce biblical?

You never thought you would struggle with this question.

At some point, you cannot take it anymore. You see the patterns and no real change. There is no peace. Being in a toxic marriage is already mind-altering. So how can we apply the topic of divorce and separation with Biblical clarity? Only you know when you need to walk away. But resources can guide you on your path.

Christian Divorce and Seperation

What our stance is on this subject

Marriage is a sacred union between two people. We believe in the sanctity and sacrament of marriage.


And, we also understand that divorce and separation are sometimes necessary.  This decision is one that requires careful reflection, prayer and wise counsel to allow the opportunity for reconciliation. 


Often, well meaning priests, pastors and Christians have the "do everything to stay married" mentality in the face of a single verse "God hates divorce." As with other subjects in the Bible, a careful study is needed to accurately depict why and when God allows divorce.  Jesus did not negate what Moses allowed (divorce in some circumstances). We cannot take only one part of the Bible, or even one verse, and apply it to all situations.  This is why so many people in abusive marriages stay: on the premise that there may not be Biblical grounds for divorce.  They also stay because while pastors try to reconcile the marriage, the abuse cycle continues and they may only see the good parts of that cycle without recognizing patterns. Pastors may only see the surface of repentance (what people say), but do not see the abusive pattern (what people continue to do and say at home) due to lack of experience with destructive and abusive marriages.  


Experienced pastors and people who have been through this journey know the challenges and harm that comes with abusive, toxic and destructive relationships.  Moreover, a careful study of all the verses on this topic, and the importance of the MERCY that Jesus demonstrated while undermining the Sabbath law, show that the Bible does support the freedom from bondage from an abusive marriage. 


We are also trying to honor God in our journey. Sometimes the devil torments us with seemingly opposing verses, but the peace that passes understanding will find us in the midst of confusion. Knowing God's word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. God's perfect love in us will comfort us, and we will be lead by the Holy Spirit. 

 

know the word of god

Remember: "...we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against [evil] principalities/ powers"

Therefore, put on the ARMOR OF GOD.
Part of your armor is the sword of the Spirit / the Word of God. 


Are you ready?



When Jesus was tempted on the mountain, He used verses against Satan.  He modeled our need to be armed with Biblical truth. Abusive people often manipulate the truth and hijack your mind. Victims often adapt to a warped reality with a survival mentality, often grounded in lies that they believe. The Bible tells us who we are in Christ. You can attack the evil enemy- not your spouse- with Biblical truths. You can firmly ground yourself in Biblical reasons for your worthy and precious life. Our loving and merciful Father will lead our minds to strengthen and grow spiritually, even in the midst of a toxic marriage. 


If that leads to walking away from a destructive marriage, the well-meaning Christian community may not always understand it and may even say things like " But God hates divorce." Yes, and God also hates adultery, oppression/abuse, and many other sins.  Plan to dive into Gods' word to gain an understanding of Biblical truths about this subject and better equip yourself to boldly respond in truth and love. And, arm yourself with the Word of God so He alone can lead you on a worthy path forward. 


This path forward is designed to glorify Him regardless of your decision.

Bible teachings on toxic and absuive relationships

Pastor RC Blakes: Narcissism

Professor and Pastor Wayne Grudem: Abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce

Pastor Gary Thomas: Toxic Relationships

Authored many books and is passionate about being in healthy relationships. He has many youtube videos on the topic of relationships and narcissism that help guide you with Biblical passages to understand and respond to behaviors. (Baptist Christian perspective).  

Pastor RC Blakes You Tube

Pastor Gary Thomas: Toxic Relationships

Professor and Pastor Wayne Grudem: Abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce

Pastor Gary Thomas: Toxic Relationships

  

Author of the book: 

When to walk Away:

Biblical boundaries with toxic people

Pastor Gary Thomas Sermon on Toxic Relationships

Professor and Pastor Wayne Grudem: Abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce

Professor and Pastor Wayne Grudem: Abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce

Professor and Pastor Wayne Grudem: Abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce

  

Professor of Theology and Biblical studies Wayne Grudem walks you step by step through the Biblical support for divorce when there is abuse in his article titled:

"GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: WHY I NOW BELIEVE THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO"

Pastor Wayne Grudem: Grounds for divorce PDF link

Gretchen Baskerville, Christian Divorce Recovery Coach and Leader

Gretchen Baskerville, Christian Divorce Recovery Coach and Leader

Professor and Pastor Wayne Grudem: Abuse is a Biblical reason for divorce

  

She is the author of the book, The Life-Saving Divorce.   She has many youtube vidoes on the topic of “God hates divorce”

 

"God hates Divorce" Scholarly review on you tube.

Pastor Charles Lyons: abusive marriages

Gretchen Baskerville, Christian Divorce Recovery Coach and Leader

Pastor Charles Lyons: abusive marriages

Pastor Charles Lyons

Takes a deep dive into what the the Bible says about abuse, marriage and separation


Pastor Lyons you tube sermon on abuse

Pastor: abusive marriages

Gretchen Baskerville, Christian Divorce Recovery Coach and Leader

Pastor Charles Lyons: abusive marriages

  

This pastor talks about abuse in one of his sermons, highlighting the Biblical stance against.  He models the necessary strength to speak up for those who cannot.


Pastor: you tube sermon on abuse

Dr. David Clarke: Chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce

Dr. David Clarke: Chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce

Dr. David Clarke: Chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce

  

  

Dr. Clarke authored many books such as Enough is Enough. Here, he clarifies the difference between intermittent bad behavior with repentance vs. chronic unrepentant abuse (verbal, psychologist, physical etc)

and the Biblical passage that support divorce in the latter scenario


You tube video from Dr. Clarke on Chronic Abuse as a Biblical reason for divorce

Pastor: the study of divorce and remarriage

Dr. David Clarke: Chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce

Dr. David Clarke: Chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce

  

  

Very very long video from a dedicated pastor who has thoroughly researched divorce and remarriage. If you need scholarly evidence, this is for you. He later breaks down this long one into smaller videos.



Pastor's thorough study on divorce and remarriage - full you tube on the data

Abigail: Biblically minded counselor

Dr. David Clarke: Chronic abuse is a biblical reason for divorce

Abigail: Biblically minded counselor

  

  

Abigail succinctly yet effectively summarizes the Biblical support for leaving an abusive marriage in her blog:  

“What Does The Bible REALLY Say About Divorce?” She explains how divorce can be an act of love when done for a need, and not a want. 

Abigail's blog post: “What Does The Bible REALLY Say About Divorce?”

How the church can Hurt or help victims

Counselor Darby Strickland helps pastors identify abusive behaviors

Counselor Darby Strickland helps pastors identify abusive behaviors

Counselor Darby Strickland helps pastors identify abusive behaviors

  

In an interview, experienced counselor Darby Strickland talks about how to identify abuse in your church and friendships.  

Darby Strickland: how to identify abuse in your church and friendships (you tube video)

FREE Curriculum for Church Leaders who want to help victims

Counselor Darby Strickland helps pastors identify abusive behaviors

Counselor Darby Strickland helps pastors identify abusive behaviors

"Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused." This free online curriculum is accessible to anyone. Did we say free?

Free curriculum for the churches at: churchcares.com

Leslie Vernick talks about the role of the church leader

Counselor Darby Strickland helps pastors identify abusive behaviors

Counselor Darby Strickland talks about misconceptions in the church

When spouses go to leaders in the church- what happens?

Church response to abuse: by Leslie Vernick

Counselor Darby Strickland talks about misconceptions in the church

Counselor Darby Strickland talks about misconceptions in the church

Counselor Darby Strickland talks about misconceptions in the church

Darby Strickland speaks about the common problem of abuse in churches and the need to help. Measuring success is not always about keeping marriages, but rather by being a church that loves and honors the Lord in how they serve the victim.

Misconceptions of Abuse in the Church – Darby Strickland youtube video

Counselor Darby Strickland

Counselor Darby Strickland talks about misconceptions in the church

Dr. David Clarke talks about why pastors blame the abused spouse

  

Only recently has focus on the family addressed the topic of abuse. Darby Strickland has been the leading voice behind this effort to help churches and victims. There is an entire resource link created with multiple talks on this subject.

Focus on the family with Darby Strickland "help for abusive relationships"

Dr. David Clarke talks about why pastors blame the abused spouse

Counselor Darby Strickland talks about misconceptions in the church

Dr. David Clarke talks about why pastors blame the abused spouse

  

Dr. Clarke is a clinical psychologist who speaks boldly about the truth of abuse in the church and why pastors may blame the victim (who is usually the wife in marital abuse)

You tube video: Dr. David Clarke on "Why pastors blame the abused spouse"

Orthodoxy: Mariz Tadros

Orthodoxy: Ellen Gvosdev, Ph.D.

Orthodoxy: Ellen Gvosdev, Ph.D.

Mariz Tadros wrote essays about abuse and breaking the silence. She writes about the need for accountable theology and the misuse of "bearing the cross" when it comes to abuse.

Public orthodoxy essay: "Not a Cross to Bear" by Mariz Tadros

Orthodoxy: Ellen Gvosdev, Ph.D.

Orthodoxy: Ellen Gvosdev, Ph.D.

Orthodoxy: Ellen Gvosdev, Ph.D.

Dr. Gvosdev uses real cases to talk about this difficult topic in the church, then outlines what the church can do to help (and not hurt) victims.

"When the Unspeakable Happens" by Ellen Gvosdev PhD

Pastor John Piper

Orthodoxy: Ellen Gvosdev, Ph.D.

Pastor John Piper

  

Many church leaders may avoid questions about abuse, but need to deal with it as this pastor did. Pastor John Piper takes on a question from the community about verbal abuse and pointedly shows the Biblical stance against verbal abuse. He adds how church members and leaders can help.

Pastor John Piper answers the question about verbal abuse with the lens of Scripture (audio +transcript)

More

Situations that lead Christians to divorce

Divorce may be the representation of the actual state of the marriage

Divorce may be the representation of the actual state of the marriage

While the topic of divorce is often challenging for Christians, more articles are becoming available. Here is one from Vivian Bricker: ”When Is it Okay for Christians to Consider Divorce?”

“When Is it Okay for Christians to Consider Divorce?” By Vivian Bricker

Divorce may be the representation of the actual state of the marriage

Divorce may be the representation of the actual state of the marriage

Divorce may be the representation of the actual state of the marriage

In this article with a Baptist Christian perspective, pastor Tyler Tobbins writes about the Biblical passages that have historically lead people in the Bible to divorce, and the leaders who had to help people make these difficult decisions. The scriptural lens on this article is very helpful to both people considering divorce and leaders.  The article talks about outsiders naively take the “ good vs bad guy“ stance when it deals with relationships and the importance of seeing the topic of divorce as one that is extremely complex. 

Article: “ When May Christians Divorce? “ by Tyler Robbins

Divorce is not a sin when it protects the vulnerable

Divorce is not a sin when it protects the vulnerable

Divorce is not a sin when it protects the vulnerable

In an opinion article, Russel Moore writes about divorce in the church when there is abuse in the article titled: “Divorcing an Abusive Spouse Is Not a Sin”


article is also en espanol 

Article by Moore: “Divorcing an Abusive Spouse Is Not a Sin”

What NOT to say to a spouse who is being abused

Divorce is not a sin when it protects the vulnerable

Divorce is not a sin when it protects the vulnerable

 So many well meaning Christians with the “save all marriages“ mentality will say things that are not helpful and even be harmful to those in abusive situations. This article talks about what not to say. It may also be a nice way to prepare someone who will publicly divorce soon so that they are prepared to know how to shrug this off and replace it with Biblical truth.   

What not to say to someone in a destructive relationship

Biblical divorce considerations

In an abusive relationship?

The mainstream message that can hurt

The mainstream message that can hurt

Biblical counselor, Todd Webb, nicely illustrates abuse, the Biblical reasoning why abuse is not supported in the Bible, and even provides practical considerations when thinking about the road towards divorce. 

Biblical counselor Todd Webb writes an article: I’m in an abusive marriage what should I do?

The mainstream message that can hurt

The mainstream message that can hurt

The mainstream message that can hurt

An article entitled “Why Most Christian Marriage Advice is Harmful to Abuse Victims”

Why Most Christian Marriage Advice is Harmful to Abuse Victims

Renew your own mind with biblical truth about your situation

Let's face it- not all churches and churchgoers are able to handle the topic of abuse well.

If you are in a toxic marriage, only you can ultimately decide what you need to do. The key will be that you exercise regular renewing of your mind with scripture on your own time.  While you heal, and hopefully with the help of Godly counsel, keep reading the Word of God to strengthen you. You will know the voice of God in your personal decisions based on the peace that comes with His voice. You will feel burdened and uneasy when the Holy Spirit is giving you signs that something is not of God. Pray for discernment so you will know the difference.

Renew your Mind in your Path Forward & Build Your Faith

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