Choose your
Navigation Strategy
Where would we be without a map and navigation systems? When in a toxic relationship, the road ahead is complicated and you need a navigation strategy. Create your village of trusted advisors- from priests, pastors, and counselors, to trusted family and friends, and even legal counsel when considering safety.
Whose on your team?
Friends and Family
Friends and Family
Friends and Family
...Who bring you joy, truth, and lift you up! Be sure to have personal time and healthy outlets.
You will also want that person you can count on 100% to be there in a great time of need- maybe even a part of your safety plan. Since you cannot tell your friends everything, you need other people on your team, too.
Priest/pastor
Friends and Family
Friends and Family
While it's true that some pastoral care partners do not understand or recognize abuse, they can be vital in your walk with the Lord. When seeking counsel from them, ensure that you pray before going so that God can speak through them to help you. They can also help you navigate the church, and next steps when considering separation and divorce.
Therapist
Friends and Family
Medical care
You don't need to have a mental illness to see a therapist. But, you do need to talk through the things happening in your marriage. Whether you are at the beginning stages of identifying an abusive pattern or at a later stage of coping, leaving or bereaving a marriage, therapists can help guide you. They are a gift from God in this challenging time for you.
Medical care
Financial advice
Medical care
Don't neglect your personal health while taking care of others. Consider ensuring your medical to do list:
- annual check up
- dental appointments
- proper nutrition and exercise
- Sufficient and regular sleep
- avoidance of over or under eating
- Limiting caffeine and other substances
- proper vitamin or nutritional supplements
Financial advice
Financial advice
Financial advice
People in abusive relationships are often also financially abused by their spouse: they don't have free access to all the funds in the marriage, control over much of the money, and seldom decision making power. Getting financially secure is key- whether you stay or leave the marriage. A path to financial stability starts with you seeking
People in abusive relationships are often also financially abused by their spouse: they don't have free access to all the funds in the marriage, control over much of the money, and seldom decision making power. Getting financially secure is key- whether you stay or leave the marriage. A path to financial stability starts with you seeking your independence. Whether you stay or leave, you need to be 100% sure you can take care of yourself (and your children if that applies) at a moment's notice.
Legal advice
Financial advice
Financial advice
Know your legal rights in this marriage before ever making a decision to leave. Get this advice very early on, because there is a lot to consider as the laws apply to your specific situation. You can often consult for a free initial call. See if a person is a good fit and what kinds of ways they can help you. Know the amount of money it w
Know your legal rights in this marriage before ever making a decision to leave. Get this advice very early on, because there is a lot to consider as the laws apply to your specific situation. You can often consult for a free initial call. See if a person is a good fit and what kinds of ways they can help you. Know the amount of money it will be for a retainer and other legal costs in case you need to start saving.
You! Take care of yourself
You! Take care of yourself
You! Take care of yourself
You need to be on your own team! Don't neglect yourself. Take time to do your hair, and walk out of the house with your chin up, shoulders back and walk like you mean business! "Fake it 'till you make it." Have your superwoman pose ready- its scientifically proven to help change your physiology and strengthen how others see you.
Support Group
You! Take care of yourself
You! Take care of yourself
If you are able to find a good support group, online or in person, you will find this valuable in your journey. Support groups can be made of people in toxic relationships or people post-divorce healing together. It can feel empowering to know you are not alone and that there is healing on your journey.
Bible Study
You! Take care of yourself
Bible Study
Either on your own or in a group, reading the Word of the Lord is essential for your journey. Take God on your journey. The Biblical truths will set you free. Now is the time to dive into the Word. Reflect on verses throughout the day.
Informed Strategy
Your support will help you build ideas for how to stay in this relationship or leave it. Strategic thinking is necessary to protect yourself from making reactive decisions or finding yourself in repeated destructive experiences. You need a safety plan- at the very least- always ready to take cover if things get worse.
navigate off the rollcoaster on to solid ground
Abuse Feels like a Rollercoaster
If you have ever been in a toxic or abusive relationship, you can relate to the roll coaster analogy for abuse. You have some stable semi-good days, sometimes even really good days, then back up onto scary nerve-racking times, tension builds up, and then a thrill back down and maybe even a laugh, the wind blows and blue skies are there, and then suddenly you are jerked back up with another "brace yourself" moment fearing and wondering when the next conflict will occur, or the next incident, and you wonder when will this end... and on and on the abuse cycle goes.
You walk on egg shells trying to keep things stable, but things flip- often unpredictably-and back up on the roll coaster you go. You dread the moment you feel any little shake in the relationship- is it going to happen again?
It's exhausting.
Part of a healthy navigation strategy is getting off this rollercoaster by changing the way you respond to bad behavior. Equipped with advisors and a team of people, you will develop more emotional control, strength and strategic thinking that help you navigate onto a more stable path.
