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      • Why it’s hard to leave
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      • Surviving divorce
    • Abuse: what is it?
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Pathforwardinpeace

PathforwardinpeacePathforwardinpeacePathforwardinpeace
  • Home
  • Navigation Strategy
  • When is Divorce Biblical
  • Blog and Verses Gallery
  • Resources
    • Coping Resources
    • Financial resources
    • Phone Controls
    • Resources for Friends
    • Helping Children
    • Safety Plan
    • Sexual abuse
    • Why it’s hard to leave
    • Resource for Abusive men
    • Surviving divorce
  • Abuse: what is it?
  • Building your Faith
Money Matters

Overcoming financial abuse

Abusive relationships may involve financial abuse. It is very subtle at first. After many years of marriage, you may find your name off main accounts, without access to funds and savings- many of which you started and/or funded. Part of your path forward needs to consider your financial health.

Financial Abuse

Abuse is about control. So financial abuse is controlling the finances of another, to control them. Not to help them. Some common ways of abuse are:

  • refusing to provide you acces to bank accounts and hiding assets from you.   
  • limiting your work, demanding you quit
  • giving you a set amount of money to spend and no more

Learn more about Financial Abuse

There are many articles about financial abuse. In this article, written by a financial team, they address the financial abuse occurring in 98% of abusive relationships. Link:  https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/financial-abuse/

STEPS to Becoming financially healthy

General things to do

  • Check your credit score and lock down your credit
  • Reduce Debt 
  • Budget
  • Have your own bank account
  • Collect all tax documents
  • Collect all financial statements
  • Prepare for potential divorce (your spouse may file and you need to be economically prepared)
  • Plan for recovery from financial abuse.

STEPS to Becoming financially healthy

Reduce Debt

Have your own bank account

Reduce Debt

If you have open credit cards, close as many frivolous ones as possible and keep a good line of credit open. Pay down your credit card as much as possible to increase your credit scores.  Do not reduce the value on the credit line- rather, lock it down to your own personal use and be mindful of your spending.

Budget

Have your own bank account

Reduce Debt

It may take years to learn to budget properly but you will need to save and store as much money away as possible for the "rainy day."   Whether you are divorced or on your way to leaving a toxic marriage, there are resources for budgeting such as this one:   

Budget: https://jengrice.com/you-need-a-budget-rules-to-financial-freedom-after-divorce/

Have your own bank account

Have your own bank account

Check your credit score and lock down your credit

Do not even doubt yourself for a second about this. This is necessary for your survival.  Your spouse does not have to know about this account. But, you need it. You will need to start saving and putting away as much money as possible in an account that they do not have access to.  Does it seem hypocritical given that they may be doing th

Do not even doubt yourself for a second about this. This is necessary for your survival.  Your spouse does not have to know about this account. But, you need it. You will need to start saving and putting away as much money as possible in an account that they do not have access to.  Does it seem hypocritical given that they may be doing this to you? Well, if you are the victim and they have been financially abusing you, you need a strategy to get financially healthy again. You can no longer trust them. Married or not, you need to separate your finances in order to live a more transparent life. They cannot keep making your financial decisions for you. 

Check your credit score and lock down your credit

Check your credit score and lock down your credit

Check your credit score and lock down your credit

You need to check your credit score. 750 and higher is generally good if you are going to buy a home.  If lower, consider challenging items on your credit that may have made it there by mistake. If you discover that your spouse has opened a credit card or withdrew a loan in your name without telling you (which is common in abusive relatio

You need to check your credit score. 750 and higher is generally good if you are going to buy a home.  If lower, consider challenging items on your credit that may have made it there by mistake. If you discover that your spouse has opened a credit card or withdrew a loan in your name without telling you (which is common in abusive relationships), you may need financial and legal counsel to restore your credit.   If your spouse has not opened an account in your name- watch out.  Many people in abusive relationships had to dig themselves out of a huge debt created by their spouse. Wisdom from these terrible circumstances will tell you to do preventative strategies instead of hoping for the best and ending up paying the price later-literally. 

Lock ability to access your credit

Check your credit score and lock down your credit

Lock ability to access your credit

 Experian and other credit bureaus have the option of setting up a lock down on your credit so that only you can open it up when a loan or credit card is needed. You can double authenticate and ensure you keep your passwords safe. lIf your phone is used to double authenticate, ensure that only you have access to the phone. If not, change the code. See phone controls:

Phone controls

Collect all tax documents

Check your credit score and lock down your credit

Lock ability to access your credit

This may seem obvious, but many spouses do not even know how much their spouse makes. Tax records don't lie. And it gives you leverage later on to be on top of your accounting.  You need to know what is filed and how in the case there are pending things under your name. Save copies in a safe place

Collect all financial statements

Preparing for Separation and Divorce

Collect all financial statements

Keep records of EVERYTHING. Anything that comes in the mail, investment accounts, bank accounts, etc. Know your mortgage, lender, and car loans for you and your spouse. Know your kids' college funds (if that applies). Have copies of things stores in a save place. You may need access to these later and will not have access at some point.  

Become more financially literate

Preparing for Separation and Divorce

Collect all financial statements

Whether you like this topic or not, you need to understand finances. Why? Because knowledge is power and you need it to break free. Whether you stay or go, you need to understand your finances in your path forward. Here is an article aimed for women: https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/women/



Preparing for Separation and Divorce

Preparing for Separation and Divorce

Preparing for Separation and Divorce

Abusive spouses rarely allow for an "amicable divorce" so you will likely need financial readiness for a lawyer. And, yes, you need a lawyer or some kind of legal help. They can guide you with your safety plan and guide your finances. Try to use marital assets to pay for your legal team if you can afford it.  (If not, domestic shelters of

Abusive spouses rarely allow for an "amicable divorce" so you will likely need financial readiness for a lawyer. And, yes, you need a lawyer or some kind of legal help. They can guide you with your safety plan and guide your finances. Try to use marital assets to pay for your legal team if you can afford it.  (If not, domestic shelters often have resources so don’t get discouraged!) Keep "separate property" or money from your family line away from your spending. In many states, your spouse only has rights on valuables and money acquired during the marriage and not that prior to marriage (separate property). However, once you bring in separate property into your accounts, some may argue against it being separate.  Legal advice is key. 

Rebuilding from financial abuse

Rebuilding from financial abuse

Preparing for Separation and Divorce

Here are some Christian you tube videos on rebuilding from financial abuse.

  

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPpDvGLZyl0


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NApZ9770X-Y&list=PLIqEzapMA4PBrnGXQQ5MwImi0gxGys


Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon.

https://southlakecounseling.org/what-is-financial-abuse/


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