Money Matters
Overcoming financial abuse
Abusive relationships may involve financial abuse. It is very subtle at first. After many years of marriage, you may find your name off main accounts, without access to funds and savings- many of which you started and/or funded. Part of your path forward needs to consider your financial health.
STEPS to Becoming financially healthy
Reduce Debt
Have your own bank account
Reduce Debt
If you have open credit cards, close as many frivolous ones as possible and keep a good line of credit open. Pay down your credit card as much as possible to increase your credit scores. Do not reduce the value on the credit line- rather, lock it down to your own personal use and be mindful of your spending.
Budget
Have your own bank account
Reduce Debt
It may take years to learn to budget properly but you will need to save and store as much money away as possible for the "rainy day." Whether you are divorced or on your way to leaving a toxic marriage, there are resources for budgeting such as this one:
Budget: https://jengrice.com/you-need-a-budget-rules-to-financial-freedom-after-divorce/
Have your own bank account
Have your own bank account
Check your credit score and lock down your credit
Do not even doubt yourself for a second about this. This is necessary for your survival. Your spouse does not have to know about this account. But, you need it. You will need to start saving and putting away as much money as possible in an account that they do not have access to. Does it seem hypocritical given that they may be doing th
Do not even doubt yourself for a second about this. This is necessary for your survival. Your spouse does not have to know about this account. But, you need it. You will need to start saving and putting away as much money as possible in an account that they do not have access to. Does it seem hypocritical given that they may be doing this to you? Well, if you are the victim and they have been financially abusing you, you need a strategy to get financially healthy again. You can no longer trust them. Married or not, you need to separate your finances in order to live a more transparent life. They cannot keep making your financial decisions for you.
Check your credit score and lock down your credit
Check your credit score and lock down your credit
Check your credit score and lock down your credit
You need to check your credit score. 750 and higher is generally good if you are going to buy a home. If lower, consider challenging items on your credit that may have made it there by mistake. If you discover that your spouse has opened a credit card or withdrew a loan in your name without telling you (which is common in abusive relatio
You need to check your credit score. 750 and higher is generally good if you are going to buy a home. If lower, consider challenging items on your credit that may have made it there by mistake. If you discover that your spouse has opened a credit card or withdrew a loan in your name without telling you (which is common in abusive relationships), you may need financial and legal counsel to restore your credit. If your spouse has not opened an account in your name- watch out. Many people in abusive relationships had to dig themselves out of a huge debt created by their spouse. Wisdom from these terrible circumstances will tell you to do preventative strategies instead of hoping for the best and ending up paying the price later-literally.
Lock ability to access your credit
Check your credit score and lock down your credit
Lock ability to access your credit
Experian and other credit bureaus have the option of setting up a lock down on your credit so that only you can open it up when a loan or credit card is needed. You can double authenticate and ensure you keep your passwords safe. lIf your phone is used to double authenticate, ensure that only you have access to the phone. If not, change the code. See phone controls:
Collect all tax documents
Check your credit score and lock down your credit
Lock ability to access your credit
This may seem obvious, but many spouses do not even know how much their spouse makes. Tax records don't lie. And it gives you leverage later on to be on top of your accounting. You need to know what is filed and how in the case there are pending things under your name. Save copies in a safe place
Collect all financial statements
Preparing for Separation and Divorce
Collect all financial statements
Keep records of EVERYTHING. Anything that comes in the mail, investment accounts, bank accounts, etc. Know your mortgage, lender, and car loans for you and your spouse. Know your kids' college funds (if that applies). Have copies of things stores in a save place. You may need access to these later and will not have access at some point.
Become more financially literate
Preparing for Separation and Divorce
Collect all financial statements
Whether you like this topic or not, you need to understand finances. Why? Because knowledge is power and you need it to break free. Whether you stay or go, you need to understand your finances in your path forward. Here is an article aimed for women: https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/women/
Preparing for Separation and Divorce
Preparing for Separation and Divorce
Preparing for Separation and Divorce
Abusive spouses rarely allow for an "amicable divorce" so you will likely need financial readiness for a lawyer. And, yes, you need a lawyer or some kind of legal help. They can guide you with your safety plan and guide your finances. Try to use marital assets to pay for your legal team if you can afford it. (If not, domestic shelters of
Abusive spouses rarely allow for an "amicable divorce" so you will likely need financial readiness for a lawyer. And, yes, you need a lawyer or some kind of legal help. They can guide you with your safety plan and guide your finances. Try to use marital assets to pay for your legal team if you can afford it. (If not, domestic shelters often have resources so don’t get discouraged!) Keep "separate property" or money from your family line away from your spending. In many states, your spouse only has rights on valuables and money acquired during the marriage and not that prior to marriage (separate property). However, once you bring in separate property into your accounts, some may argue against it being separate. Legal advice is key.
Rebuilding from financial abuse
Rebuilding from financial abuse
Preparing for Separation and Divorce
Here are some Christian you tube videos on rebuilding from financial abuse.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPpDvGLZyl0
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NApZ9770X-Y&list=PLIqEzapMA4PBrnGXQQ5MwImi0gxGys
Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon.